Insurance lady called Monday. [I am reviewing this post on 4-22-2011. I called her a lady. Now I am changing that word to machine. She is not a lady, and I don't even think she is a human.] Now that is stress. She wants permission to be the case manger for Carl. Her husband died of cancer, so she knows what I am going through. Really? I don't know what I am going through, but talking to her, God my stomach gets in such a knot, I feel like I really want to barf. Her questions, comments, insinuations of 'help', they made me feel like I was talking to Satan. I DO NOT TRUST ANY INSURANCE COMPANY. I THINK THEY WOULD PREFER MY HUSBAND DEAD SO THE CASH OUTLAY WOULD STOP. If an insurance company could get away with it, I think that there are people in the top echelons of insurance that would like to send a hit man to finish the capital outlay so they can 'make more money'. [I am reviewing this post on 4-22-2011. Today, I calmly and skeptically wonder if the insurance's machines' husband really existed, or had cancer, or if it was all a line to establish 'report'.]
The principles of good honest business are that you make a contract, initially believed to be good for both parties, and you honor it. If your business involves you taking a risk, you accept it. Trying to renege on a contract for profit is Evil perverting business.
Any F-ing individuals who think that what is good for business is good for the country, who think Fraud will self regulate, who think greed is good, who think consumer rights are anti-business, who think tangled contracts with loop holes are a good thing - they are EVIL, and sure sign that Satan is winning. How the HELL does the conservative party in any way equate with Christianity - caring for ones fellows man, that has to be the LIE OF THE CENTURY. And Satan is the prince of lies.
So now you might think I am a religious freak. (But then I'd be a very conservative Republican?) I am not, really, at least I don't think I am.
Carl took his first shower / bath today post chemo. It makes me want to cry. I think they put his head back on wrong. I think a first year resident stitched him up. And yet this totally conflicts with my also Genuine feelings - I am so damn glad he had the surgery and much of the tumor was gutted.
[4-22-2011 addition: I added the photos above on 4-22-2011. These photos were taken Jan 23, 2011, the night before the neck surgery; Jan 25, 2011, the day after surgery; on Jan 31, 2011 right after his shower; and Jan 31, 2011 with the Aspen collar neck brace Carl wears 24 hours a day except when in the shower.
Carl is not holding his neck that way to be funny. That is the only position his neck can be in.]
You might think I am in a crisis . Yes, I think I probably am. It's weird that a crisis can be helped by punching keys.
I don't know why, but I feel better after writing this. I am not sure I should ever publish this, but writing from the heart is supposed to make your writing powerful. Raw, yet real. I want to let this rip out there - maybe it will touch someone for a good purpose. Waiting, rewriting, would make this more objective, but is all writing supposed to be objective? Perhaps we should not be afraid of raw emotion now and then.
I pray that this post will go out and do God's will - that this writing will touch someone in some way for Good. I pray that God only allows those people that should see this see this. I am not against any political party, of any person employed in any job anywhere. Many businesses do good, some do evil (drug dealers, for example). Many people are employed to do good, some to do evil, many work just to have a paycheck to take home to their family and don't think about their job in terms of good OR evil. I hope you always try to do what is right, which to me is what is Christian. But the 10 commandments span more religions then just Christianity, and include the basis for many business rules - contracts are formed from thou shall not lie, thou shall not steal, thou shall not bear false witness, thou shall not covet... Thou shall not put false Gods (profit, money, gain) before the real God.
God Bless.
[NOTE: I could try to edit this into something better, but I don't want to spend the time and effort. Here are some real feelings, raw and unedited. If they make no sense, then let it be. I'll be honest, my notes above are, shall we say... conflicted...; to me now as I read them, they just remind me of a frustration I tried to bury on Monday, the last day of January.
I do feel the need to say this though: There is good and evil. It is mixed into our lives. The internet can be used for good or evil. Books can contain good or evil. People can do good or evil. Policies can be good or evil. Businesses can do good or evil. Politics can be good or evil.
I in no way feel that any political party is good or evil. I think all political parties have a little good and evil. Anything a reader reads into the rant above about politics should know that I consider myself fortunate to have friends who want good for this country in both political parties, and I have voted for people in both political parties.
[I finally posted this Saturday Feb 12, 2011.]
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