Well, today pretty much sucked.
It's not really like Carl and I were looking forward to Carl's chemotherapy. I was just glad it wasn't going to be 5 days inpatient chemotherapy. I figured that one day is better then 100+ hours in the same small room, staring at a wall. But Carl has to go through it, get the needle sticks, taste the bad tastes, and feel all the weird sensations that a person feels when they are trying to poison lots of cells in your body. Carl is the person for whom it "sucks the most". I was trying to be pleasant, but perhaps I appeared too cheerful this Monday morning. Carl made cracks about me getting ready to go, and then was clearing out his car and trying to change the tires. (Literally, I believe this morning, Carl was planning on taking the snow tires off his car, No Lie.)
When you are mad at situations beyond your control [Ex. 1: You have cancer; Ex 2: Your children are not preforming academically the way you would like; Ex. 3: 60-100% of the people you live with are disorganized, including you; Ex. 4: You can't find your torque wrench], but bottling it up, why not be grumpy at the person who has been with you at all of your low and sucky times in the last 20+ years, and who is probably the cause of some of those times, and who you most associate with all of those low and sucky times anyway, because, well, she is always around. [Why won't she just GO AWAY. And when she does GO AWAY, things don't get better, and that's her fault to...] (She might be around during some of the better times as well, but that is INCIDENTAL.) (Accidental?)
I really feel that I am blameless today, and that Saint Carl was gunning for a fight. There can be no doubt that in our relationship, Carl is the more easygoing and giving person. Today, though, I was being calm and patient, (that's easy once the four children are off to school), Carl was trying to provoke me. And he got grumpier when I didn't let him. I probably did the worst sin of all - I tried to be pleasant because I FEEL BAD that Carl has to go through chemotherapy today.
Here is an example of Carl trying to make me irritable. When we finally leave the Cancer Center, Carl and I get in the car. Before I even back the car out, I put the clutch in, and Carl is like "Oh My God, I should drive home." Hey, like I TAUGHT Carl to drive stick shift, in MY CAR, 20+ years ago. And, like, if MOITRIN and BENEDRYL say don't operate heavy machinery, (a car) after 2 little pills, then I think, PERHAPS, full dosages of intravenous ondancetron, dexamethazone, and the fun little poison call GEMZAR might have similar restrictions.
Carl's chemotherapy appointment was scheduled for 11:30. When we arrived, they gave us a pager and told us that they wouldn't be calling us for at least 40 minutes. We headed down to the Froedtert cafeteria and ate lunch. Someone wonderful had given us a gift card to the lunchroom, which we have slowly been using. Lunch was actually ok, though we ate fast because of the pager. Sometime after 12:15 we are in the room.
I've mentioned before that Carl has a port for IV's, and that sometimes (frequently) the nurse will have a difficult time getting blood to draw back into the line, which they need to do before they can start the IV. So, of course, today there was no chance that we would get the blood to draw back, and the nurse did not seem to inspire us with confidence once she experienced this. The nurse used saline, then heparin, then more saline, and then finally got a TPA dose defrosted and used that to get the line cleared. Using TPA means a one hour wait. Carl's IV chemotherapy started at 1:50, when the scheduled time was 11:30. So, this means, the two hour chemo will now end after the children are out of school. Whatever. I make phone arrangements.
So eventually I get Carl home, and I get the kids home. But now I am getting a bit annoyed. So, when you are mad at situations beyond your control [Ex. 1: Your spouse has cancer; Ex 2: Your children are not preforming academically the way you would like; Ex. 3: 60-100% of the people you live with are disorganised, including you], but bottling it up, why not be grumpy at the children who have caused, and continue to cause some of your recent low and sucky times in the short span of their lifetime.
Then Tom goes for an unauthorized bike ride on the highway. Nathan and Mir and I go out to find Tom, because someone should. We can't split up because only I have a cell phone, Carl misplaced his, and he always shuts it off so you can't call it to find it. (And besides, I really don't want Nathan and Mir to go along the highway without me.) We find Tom, send him home, but now Mir and Nathan want a fun bikeride. The children stopped to play, and I was looping back, and they don't even notice that I take a spill on my bike, crashing in a muddy ditch. Carl mows the lawn in anger because he knows I won't think it's a great idea after chemo, and he is still trying to irritate me. The children have a huge water fight with the hose and drag hundreds of grass clippings, maple tree helicopters and water into the house. Then Carl keeps the kids up past their bedtime trying to find summer clothing that fits, even though I think he should go to sleep. Finally, at the end of the night, the kids throw the wet laundry down the laundry shoot mixed in with the dry laundry, so now that laundry could rot and mold and smell. (They are supposed to leave wet stuff in the bathtub, or better yet, hang it in the tub to dry 1st, before getting it into the laundry shoot.)
I don't make this stuff up. I am not that creative.
This will lead me to another post sometime, the beauty of the word "whatever."
